First things first, I’m the realist. (That’s how I start all my conversations so I thought I’d go ahead and start my blog the same way.)
Before I go any further let me begin by saying this is my first blog with Bruce Jenner being a woman!
I know, I know, it has been a long time since I last blogged but rest assured this time I actually have a legitimate excuse. I went to eat some candy and ended up turning into a pile of Skittles. I use that excuse all the time, if I don’t feel like going into work, to get out of jury duty but seriously this time I actually mean it, it really happened.
The thing is I just get too distracted that I can’t find any time to blog. So I decided I’m going to get rid of all the clutter in my life, all the time consuming distractions that fill up my days like family, friends, or heroin so I can focus more on blogging. Are you happy now?
It’s just so easy to get behind on things and then I’ll be forced to multitask to catch up. Like I’ll be shaving my pubic hair while I’m brushing my teeth and I’ll think to myself, “I really need to pull this car over right now; I’m going to get in an accident.”
It’s important to stay in touch with people, that’s why I blog. Communication is so crucial. I’ve noticed, even something as little as attaching a note to a brick and throwing it through somebody’s living room window goes a long way in getting your message across. So I’ve been told, I’m doing an internship at the mob.
I always love talking to people, especially when my grandmother calls and I always know it’s her as soon as I hear that familiar voice saying, “An inmate at Maple Hurst correctional facility is attempting to contact you, press 1 to accept,” a smile quickly spreads across my face.
Communication has come a long way. We started out grunting when we were cavemen. That was the only way we knew how to communicate. Then we evolved to drawing pictographs on cave walls. Then we learned we could speak words with our mouths, so finally the cavewife was all like, “My walls! Stop drawing on my walls! I hope that shit comes off!”
And now technology has completely changed the way we communicate. I’m still behind on the technology. I’m old school. If I have something to say to someone I’ll send out a messenger on horseback, which can be a hassle sometimes, like when he ends up getting shot and then I have to send out a second messenger saying, “Don’t shoot the messenger!” In fact I just sent one out right now in reply to a dear friend out east with the message, “LOL.”
Text messaging is now the most popular way we communicate. It’s gotten to the point where I’m so used to using emoticons in my texts I forgot how to show emotion on my real face anymore. I watched The Notebook the other day, it was so sad I kept pressing the sad face emoticon on my phone over and over again. My girlfriend walked into the room and I immediately tried to shield my phone yelling, “I don’t want you to see me like this, go away!” It’s the first time she saw me showing any emotion.
The hardest part of communicating is saying goodbye. Some wise person once told me, every time you say goodbye, say it as if it’s the last time you’ll ever see that person again because you just never know what could happen. So now whenever I leave for work in the morning I always say things to my girlfriend like, “I want an open casket,” “bury me in my favourite sweater would ya?” or “I’ll haunt ya later.”
That being said, by the time I post my next blog I’ll be dead. Until next time...